Thoughts

Sitting here blankly

With nothing to do, at last,

I ponder over my life past

What have I done with my life I think?

Things that have made me proud not shrink

That would make my parents swell with pride

And not compel me to hide

Why do I cry night and day?

When it’s my fault all the way

I wonder in times of sorrow

What lies in the morrow?

Why do we live? To what end?

To be born, to study, to earn, to marry,

To reproduce, to eat, to die

Oh this vicious circle

It goes round and round

In its chains we are bound

It is hopes and dreams that keep us going

That banishes the fear of doing

Tomorrow is a new day

Showing a new way

Thanking and remembering the good lord for all

Lighting a path for success and fall

So follow the path and have a ball.

--Shruti Bhushan

(20.03.2005)

To be or not to be...

Its a strange kind of situation,when one suspects that to go ahead and to participate in a certain event most probably will not produce the wished for results (It is after all human nature to pine away(wishing) for the unattainable).
I think my situation is somewhat similar- I'd love to get a job, love to get an MBA degree, love to go abroad so I am endeavoring to achieve at least one of these goals. Now I got a call from an MNC for a walk-in. So logically I said "why not? No harm in trying, is there?:0" But the crux of the matter is that i have not prepared, since i got only half a days prep period. How the hell do i clear the damn thing. Honestly- "I have no freaking idea!!!!:(" Im leaving it all to luck......

Those were the days or those will be the days my friend......

Once upon a time, there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours,
Dream of all the great things we would do

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Then, the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and we'd say

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Just tonight, I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass, I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me?

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

Through the door, there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di
Di di di di di di di di di di

La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la

This has been one all time favorite songs and describes my intrinsic feelings.
Now that everyone's moved away what are the chances that i'll go back to our "Tavern"
with nothing but old memories and find my darling friends calling to me:)

Life and Destiny

Standing on the threshold of life one wonders if they are going to fall in to a deep dark abyss or miraculously take flight/ sprout wings and fly off in to the horizon, when one takes a step forward. Life was so much simpler as a kid. Our only wishes were to eat, sleep, irritate and be cuddled by your folks. Technically much like a well loved and looked after dog ;) Then came school and brought with it fun, friends, a little hard work and memories, precious memories which help in those times in your life when you’re down. Then came the next level i.e. college…ahhhhhhhh those were indeed the days of freedom fun and friends. The only thing to be worried about was what subjects to take and to maintain your grade. In short it was magical in retrospect no matter what one thought at that time. Now we’re beginning with our career wondering what’s ahead of us, how are we going to perform, what kind of a work environment are we going to get, are we even going to like it?

Destiny does play tricks on you. After graduating from high school I thought I would like to do mass communication or English (honors) and look what I landed up doing- Engineering in Computer Sciences. After completing my B.Tech I had visualized a career in software development and an MBA. Again here I am sitting in a software development company working as a presales trainee. Life does have the knack of taking you in directions unknown to you. Sometimes these directions are the right ones and sometimes they are the wrong ones. The question is- Do you make your destiny or does destiny make you.

I am I think a fatalist (Some what ;)) I tread the path that I think destiny directs me to and yet I question every decision I make, finding it difficult to follow a path blindly and without reason. I wish somehow there could be a way to find out what I thought about the decision in retrospect but alas there is no way to know your future for sure, no way to go to the future and change or not change our decisions accordingly. I think this question of destiny making you or you making destiny is much like the chicken & egg question- An endless circle.

Decisions & Coincidences

Sometimes I wonder whether everyone has a problem in taking a stand or making a decision or is it just me. Some people I guess are just better at decision making than the others but eventually everyone in life has to make a decision. Now the question arises “How does one go about arriving at a decision?” considering that the future impact of the decisions cannot be predicted. Does one assume the attitude –I’ll do my best and let GOD take care of the rest. Meaning that I do not know the future but since God has coincidently shown me this path I shall follow it and hope that the almighty is prodding me in the right direction, in other words being “Fatalistic.”
On the other hand one can have the attitude “I will choose my path no matter what happens.” There is no coincidence in the fact that this particular path was chosen and despite any obstacle’s I will continue to tread this path to attain my goal. What does one do if in this set path (set by yourself) of your life you have an option of taking a diversion- a different set of choices which is also tempting? This is the bifurcation of the path in to 2 choices, both equally tempting, both leading perhaps to greatness, fame or fortune. I strongly believe that whenever there’s a choice of turn in the road of your life, there’s an indication in the form of a coincidence that this is the way to go.
Consider a scenario where you are considering a short much needed vacation but can decide neither the place nor the time. In the meanwhile a friend of yours calls up to chat and say’s “Hey have you been to Kasauli?” A coincidence, that helps you to decide where to go. Another scenario- You’re at the train station when you decide you are in dire need of a coffee, consequently you miss the train and the train crashes. Sheer Coincidence. I guess decisions and coincidences pretty much go hand in hand or at least to a degree interdependent. It would be a good exercise to identify the coincidences in your life. A good book on this topic (coincidence) is Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.

hum kis gali ja rahey hain ...

hum kis gali ja rahey hain ...
apna koi thikana nahi .....

Armanoon ki anjuman mey ,

beysud hai apni lagan mey ...

apna koi fasana nahi ....

These are a couple of lines from the famous atif aslam song “Hum Kis Gali Ja Rahe Hain”

Just these simple words encompass the feelings and thoughts of the moment-the poignancy for things never to come back again, the confusion, the doubt for the life ahead of us, the nostalgia of past beautiful memories. Standing at a crossroad waiting the endless wait, watching while the traffic passes you by and you make a decision to choose a path to tread on. Hoping that every cloud has a silver lining, life goes on and so must IJ